Grandpa...

Today I should be in school getting to know my classmates, getting to know my teachers, and letting them getting to know me. But I’m not, not anywhere near class or school, definitely nowhere near my teachers or classmates, not learning about them, or letting them learn about me. I’m on a road that I have been down many times before, but never like this I’ve never not wanted to go in this direction, because it means confronting myself, and my missing heart piece. A piece of my heart and me will be gone when I finally return home. I wanted to see them because it has been a while but never like this, never watery. Water spilling from everyone, instead of bubbles, and sunshine… water instead of rays of light and bursting flowers. I’ll miss it when I’m there and when I’m home I’ll miss the phone calls, and the silly words “how are you doing in school?… got any boyfriends?… i love you more than meat loves salt, gotcha!... Breanne can hug me anytime for a nickel or a dime, fifty cents for overtime!” I’ll miss the denture smile and the rough beard against my cheek. I’ll miss the worn body in the easy chair and the snacks that were bad for him, but that he ate anyway. I’ll miss the stubborn jackass of him and the complaining that we don’t visit enough.  I’ll miss the strong hugs, hugs that I never thought could be that strong. I’ll miss the burnt pancakes, the strange food likes and the only fishing trip we ever went on together. I’ll miss the stories about the Cheetos and the baseball games. I’ll miss the scooter and the truck that was a smaller version of the one at home. I’ll miss the familiar road and the deer painted on the garage. With our memories we all fade in time.