But something in it made me stop and listen...
It said what I have always felt,
Be it in times of budding attractions,
in times of hate and anger,
in times of general rememberance
Whenever i'm lost to my own thoughts it's like this...
Life is the song that goes round in my head
twisting, morphing, and mutating into something full of assumptions of others's motives and intentions
of what they say and do, of all of their known faults and all of my faults known and unknown
Getting to a place of imagined conversations and encounters
full of whistful smiles, heartbroken dreams, and nearly unnoticable frowns,
until nothing is as i thought origionally even if in reality it really was what i thought to begin with
I worry about how these imagined moments will effect my realtionships
they already have in a way that i shall not say
and they are right now effecting me, causing assumptions as to motives and whereabouts,
It causes the most accute form of rejection in my heart
even if that was not the case in the first place,
for instance if i were to recieve a text from the person i was thinking of while writing this post right now
i would be exstatic and happy and would turn into a chatty girl of fourteen that, in my mind is annoying the other person to death and they cant wait to stop talking to me and wished that they had never started in the first place.
That is what i fear most being annoying to this person that im not even sure i like yet,
i crave their attention, i desire thier conversation and will ponder why they have not spoken to me in the past few hours, even though they have no reason to focus on me or give me their particular attenion.
This is a part of me that i may never understand, why i dwell on the past soaking up every last humiliating detail until i nearly explode from the thought of it.
I tell myself to stop to think of something else but that only intensifies that thought in my mind
And i cant seem to escape it...
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