Give Me A Reason....

I have been roaming the music sphere for something like this for awhile now...
I have this strange love of songs that make me cry...
but this song not only makes me cry but basically says why do you want me?
give me a reason to love you...

This is how i feel about so many things...

I only heard this song for the first time just 5 minutes ago...
But something in it made me stop and listen...
It said what I have always felt,
Be it in times of budding attractions,
in times of hate and anger,
 in times of general rememberance

Whenever i'm lost to my own thoughts it's like this...
Life is the song that goes round in my head
twisting, morphing, and mutating into something full of assumptions of others's motives and intentions
of what they say and do, of all of their known faults and all of my faults known and unknown
Getting to a place of imagined conversations and encounters
full of whistful smiles, heartbroken dreams, and nearly unnoticable frowns,
until nothing is as i thought origionally even if in reality it really was what i thought to begin with

I worry about how these imagined moments will effect my realtionships
they already have in a way that i shall not say
and they are right now effecting me, causing assumptions as to motives and whereabouts,
It causes the most accute form of rejection in my heart
even if that was not the case in the first place,
for instance if i were to recieve a text from the person i was thinking of while writing this post right now
i would be exstatic and happy and would turn into a chatty girl of fourteen that, in my mind is annoying the other person to death and they cant wait to stop talking to me and wished that they had never started in the first place.

That is what i fear most being annoying to this person that im not even sure i like yet,
i crave their attention, i desire thier conversation and will ponder why they have not spoken to me in the past few hours, even though they have no reason to focus on me or give me their particular attenion.

This is a part of me that i may never understand, why i dwell on the past soaking up every last humiliating detail until i nearly explode from the thought of it.
I tell myself to stop to think of something else but that only intensifies that thought in my mind
And i cant seem to escape it...

Edith Piaf

one of my favorite inspirational songs "je ne regrette rien"
it makes my heart soar that through all the mistakes she made in her life that she regrets nothing that happened to her because it made her who she was....

Men

So i figured out today that a certain very attractive male friend of mine broke up with his girlfriend, who i was also somewhat friends with... i want to swoop in and all that but my conscience says HELL NO!!!
which is making me sad a little... and the worse thing is that i know i wont do it cause i'm never good with this kind of stuff... grrr i hate indecision and feelings of inability they so inhibit the processes of life and love and the pursuit of happiness
Its not like i would have settled down and gotten married or anything but it would be nice to date some one that i find attractive for once...
And this whole speech has decided me against it in an adaptation of the famous words by Mr. Wickham "If he wishes to be with me he must come to me. not i"
(that is super corrupted by the way)



And to sort of follow the theme of my mood....

Music

My life without music would be a disaster, i would not feel connection to others i would not be able to relate to others i would be lost in a sea of people and would not, could not understand or empathize with any of them.
Do others feel this way? or is it just me? Am I as alone as i feel most of the time?

 

Colorblind

Gay Marriage Speech

so i just realized...

so remember the earlier post of when MONDO! came to my school?
well i just figured out that it had to have been post Project Runway Allstars
Which by the way is currently running....
hmm speculations anyone?

my top 3 for the final runway?
Mondo- have to say that was a given
Rami- I would love to learn from the master of drape
and......
wild card!- this spot (at least for me) belongs to either Austin Scarlet (glamonista) or Micheal C(another draper extraordinaire)

people who should be kick off again?
1. Kennely- i'll give her the fact that the bitch can sew, but she is just that a bitch who copies other designers and cant think past the 1950's, dont get me wrong i like the 50's style as much as the next girl, but every single thing you do as a designer cannot be based in that genre or you become a one note.... just saying... cause somebody has to.
2. Kara Janx- honestly i dont even remember her from her season at all, which is saying alot because if a designer makes an impression on me i remember them... the girl does have some original ideas but her time management and execution skills need some work.
3.Jarrelle- not how u spell it but whatever, anyways this boy what he sent down the runway this week was only memorable for its misstep in the style department, but so far he has not impressed me and i cant remember any of  his work so far. forgettable to say the least.

i'm not worried about losing reader at his point with my juicy comments because my readers dont exist at all .... hence why i do what i want.

nother good song.form the opera Carmen
 yes i mix things up!