im debating on whether or not i should add this guy on facebook hes irish and very cute and based in london which i will hopefully be studying at in 2 years time... i want to be friends with him but i think it would be sort of creepy if i just randomly added him out of the blue with no explanation... i was amazed that i was even able to find him on facebook in the first place i thought at the very most it would be like he would have a page that he could be liked on but he ended up having an actual facebook... which you cant really see anything on but im amazed that most people either never thought to look for him there or that he just never accepts fans to his facebook...
im not even sure how i should go about it should i try to be funny and slightly awkward, or maybe a fan that wants to know him better, or should i pretend to know him and go from there... or should i just be myself? which would likely be the first one anyway... ive been thinking about his since last night at like 3 when i couldnt sleep cause i couldnt stop thinking about it still cant really...
i keep trying to formulate in my head what i would say to him... how our friendship could be mutually beneficial... or how i would just love to be his friend cause i saw him on tv... not really either route seems like a good idea... just cause i dont want to scare him off... if i could i would totally casually bump into him in london somewhere but i think that would be a waste of a plane ticket because i would not have the foggiest idea of where he would be...
i defiantly sound like a stalker now but i really just want to be his friend i just feel like i know him without ever having seen him before and i dont know how to talk to some one who i would add on facebook and tell them im not a creeper when i obvs stalked them on facebook...
akward
so thats that...

how does one meet the people they see on tv... that they are desperate to know to be friends with just to meet?
my way is working with the crew which is what i think ill do for a career but i want more than that. i wish that i could be more outgoing more fun more willing to live my life rather than protect it... i dont feel like im living right now i feel like im trying to live.... hiding behind myself imposed morals ... socially imposed morals, i hate being a people pleaser... i wish people would roll over each other to please me... its not fair
i will not be working at a low end job forever i want to make something of myself i want to go into the world with everything ive got and be an instant success... i wish i had my friend mo's balls this kid has the balls and charisma to do anything he wants with his life... i dont want to ride on his coattails forever i want to surpass even him in his accomplishments and successes...
but i dont have the balls the staying power the drive i have only the dreams the desire and the emptiness that is left behind when i dont get what i want from life... i dont want to be one of those old people who regret thier lives...
i dont want to settle for my first love i dont want to not find love i dont want to hide behind my fears i want to fight against them have multiple lusty relationships that change me for the better once all is said and done... i want to have a full life with love heartbreak happiness and sorrow... with fulfilled dreams and no wasted hours... but i feel like ive wasted so much of my life already and i dont know what to do im almost 20 and havent really done anything amazing yet.... there are so many people that i have seen that have won all of the popularity exhibitions over other people who may have done a better job... i know that at 20 i shouldnt be complaining that i havent lead a full life yet but i feel like your have to start early with these kinds of things and i havent im stuck behind a bulletproof glass-barrier of my own making and i dont know how to escape... im not one to want to climb over people to get to the top cause i know that it is important to have friends everywhere but i just hope that im making the right decisions to get what i want out of this life....

its been forever since i was last here... not much has changed still addicted to facebook games... still bored out of my mind... ive been watching movies in my room lately and working on my typing abilities.... needless to say that i have alot of time on my hands it being summer and all... heres a list of what i can remember watching recently...
sex and the city 2, Hannibal rising, Hannibal, insidious, priest, legion, jane eyre, your highness, jackass 3d and 3.5, the adjustment bureau, etc.
i do have somewhat of a new favorite show it called the misfits and its really interesting... and its british... who could go wrong with that.... pft no one
unfortunately this year because of my new job im going to be missing out on seeing my extended family which really sucks cause its been a while almost 2 years in September... the last time i saw them was at my grandpa's funeral ... and im still not completely healed from his loss... i miss him quite a bit and i never got to say goodbye to him.... my senior picture was on the day he died and my parents decided not to tell me til after... its almost like i was a different person before that... a smiling happy girl who still had her grandpa in her life... its not like his death was a surprise... he was on his way there for awhile but i didnt get to see him before it happened cause we didnt visit him that summer... i cant help but wonder if i would feel more settled if i had got to see him that summer...
i've never been one to handle death well at all... and i think its mostly because i fear it... i fear that i wont have the ability to achieve what i want to for my life... which is why i am one of the many people who love vampires and the idea of living forever... that is really what i wish would happen to me to live forever as i will... i wonder if thats what other people feel when they are fascinated by vampires as well or if its something else that draws them to the interest in vampires.