how does one meet the people they see on tv... that they are desperate to know to be friends with just to meet?
my way is working with the crew which is what i think ill do for a career but i want more than that. i wish that i could be more outgoing more fun more willing to live my life rather than protect it... i dont feel like im living right now i feel like im trying to live.... hiding behind myself imposed morals ... socially imposed morals, i hate being a people pleaser... i wish people would roll over each other to please me... its not fair
i will not be working at a low end job forever i want to make something of myself i want to go into the world with everything ive got and be an instant success... i wish i had my friend mo's balls this kid has the balls and charisma to do anything he wants with his life... i dont want to ride on his coattails forever i want to surpass even him in his accomplishments and successes...
but i dont have the balls the staying power the drive i have only the dreams the desire and the emptiness that is left behind when i dont get what i want from life... i dont want to be one of those old people who regret thier lives...
i dont want to settle for my first love i dont want to not find love i dont want to hide behind my fears i want to fight against them have multiple lusty relationships that change me for the better once all is said and done... i want to have a full life with love heartbreak happiness and sorrow... with fulfilled dreams and no wasted hours... but i feel like ive wasted so much of my life already and i dont know what to do im almost 20 and havent really done anything amazing yet.... there are so many people that i have seen that have won all of the popularity exhibitions over other people who may have done a better job... i know that at 20 i shouldnt be complaining that i havent lead a full life yet but i feel like your have to start early with these kinds of things and i havent im stuck behind a bulletproof glass-barrier of my own making and i dont know how to escape... im not one to want to climb over people to get to the top cause i know that it is important to have friends everywhere but i just hope that im making the right decisions to get what i want out of this life....